Why My Tinder Profile Sucks
COVID has destroyed my dating life.
And I hate social media. I just created an Instagram a year ago. TikTok bugs the crap out of me. But what other options do I have to talk to a human that’ll make me more excited than an old man on Viagra?
None. So I created a Tinder account.
First month: no matches.
Second month: no matches.
“Maybe I’m doing something wrong,” I assumed while laying on my bed staring up at my phone, depressed, lonely, and horny (the worst emotional cocktail known to man).
After some research…
I’ve messed up many relationships in the most important phase: the beginning.
I’d overthink my text messages, experience gut-wrenching anxiety if I didn’t receive a response immediately, overcompensate to get the person to like me, and fear they’d leave me eventually.
Most of these feelings (claiming all would be a lie) and behaviors evaporated when I realized this one truth about relationships:
By breakup, divorce, or death, the person you’re infatuated with or the person you’re in a relationship with, will no longer be yours sooner or later.
Sounds drab, I know. But it’s the truth.
Look at the relationships…
I have many weaknesses.
I argue for no reason.
I watch dating reality TV shows until 6 am.
But I do have an innate superpower.
It’s the ability to connect with anyone.
It’s the skill that has called me to become a Marriage and Family Therapist.
It’s the skill that’s improved my dating life.
It’s the skill that’s gotten me into “the popular” group at school and work despite being socially anxious.
It’s the skill that’s maximized my leadership and job…
You don’t find your purpose — you build it
“We awaken when we see knowledge being spread that goes against our own personal experiences.” — Suzy Kassem
What if everything you knew about “purpose” was wrong? That your passion isn’t internal but external? What if your calling wasn’t waiting to be found, but wanting to be claimed?
Seth Godin — the entrepreneur, creator of one of the biggest blogs in the world, and author of 19 best-selling books about marketing, business, and leadership, believes the idea of purpose is ludicrous.
“This isn’t about waiting for the right answer because there…
The Difference & Why it Matters
Most of us believe an introvert doesn’t like socializing while an extrovert does. We also think our personality is inherently either or — either introverted or extroverted.
This is wrong.
An introvert loses energy in social situations or gains energy from being alone. Extroverts are typically higher energy and prefer to release it through socializing. Also, if feeling lower energy, an extrovert will replenish it through socializing.
At birth, we’re naturally half introvert, half extrovert. Some of us may sway towards one side or the other — 60% introvert, 40% extrovert, for example. …
The most complicated addiction to quit is our emotions.
We seek relief from challenging thoughts and emotions through substances (drugs, alcohol, love, distraction).
If we understood how to manage, release, and heal negative emotions, we wouldn’t be addicted to the common forms of relief.
Humans don’t like to experience negative emotions such as fear, anxiety, and shame. Interestingly, we’re designed to avoid these sensations because they meant danger to our ancestors.
Fear was an indicator a predator was hunting our tribe or us.
Shame or feeling inadequate assumed we might be exiled from the tribe, and we’d be left alone…
The first kiss was sensual: soft, slow, and without tongue.
I hate tongue.
Tongue wrestling can be erotic at times, but most occurrences of the licking muscle are unnecessary, distracting, and messy.
Everything before the kiss was delightful as well. Our conversation flowed, we laughed and teased each other and referenced moments in our text history, and we shared the same beliefs about many topics.
But somewhere deep inside me, a voice told me she wasn’t right for me or I shouldn’t push this relationship any further. …
My grandpa has lost two wives — one being my grandma.
After losing his first wife, he met and married my grandma within three years.
He began dating his current wife one year after my grandma died.
I know what you might be thinking:
“Wow, that’s kinda fast to move on.”
My grandpa slept and cried and slept for six months straight after my grandma died.
He’s always been able to rebound from life’s right hooks relatively well.
While eating dinner with him and his new wife, I’d probe for answers on his ability…
Talk on the phone for a week — ghosted.
Talk on the phone for forty-seven minutes — ghosted.
Message each other back and forth on Bumble for days — ghosted.
Until recently, I used to get good results from messaging via text, social media, or dating apps. I honed my skills as a teenager because I was too scared to talk to anyone, let alone a girl in high school.
I felt the most comfortable virtually because I could think about what I was going to say; I could rehearse it in my mind and pretend I was charismatic and…
My stepmom died two days ago from a five-year battle with various cancers.
She was the rock in our family.
She lost her dad at nine years old.
She moved from home — New York — to California, alone when she was eighteen.
She raised me, my brother, and two younger sisters, primarily solo. I love my dad but he was the financial anchor while my stepmom chored the rest of the duties: cooking, cleaning, disciplining, helping with homework, organizing doctors and dentists appointments, driving the four of us to and from school, sporting events, and friends’ houses.