I’ve quit making content in the past because I doubted my knowledge, my ability to communicate, and feared I’d make a mistake and be “found out.”
I continue to experience imposter syndrome, but here I am, writing, ironically about the very issue that would’ve prevented me slapping my fingertips atop my keyboard.
Imposter syndrome is the belief you are not as competent as others believe you to be, and the fear that the “truth” will eventually reveal itself.
I’ve messed up many relationships in the most important phase: the beginning.
I’d overthink my text messages, experience gut-wrenching anxiety if I didn’t receive a response immediately, overcompensate to get the person to like me, and fear they’d leave me eventually.
Most of these feelings (claiming all would be a lie) and behaviors evaporated when I realized this one truth about relationships:
By breakup, divorce, or death, the person you’re infatuated with or the person you’re in a relationship with, will no longer be yours sooner or later.
Sounds drab, I know. But it’s the truth.
Look at the relationships…
I used to have social anxiety.
I was always the shy, introverted kid through my k-12 years.
I actually never kissed a girl in high school. I never went on a date, went to a football game or party. And I only went to prom because my best friend pushed me into the girl I had a crush on and in a rare moment I didn’t let my anxiety steal my body, I asked her to be my date.
During my freshman year of college, I knew I had to make a change. I felt more alone than I ever…
My mom and brother have dealt with similar feelings. I’ve worked with many others who’ve had identical issues.
Seeing the people closest to me struggle inspired me to become a Mental Health Therapist. I specifically studied (and continue to study) shame, guilt, apathy, and low self-esteem because I believe they impact a person’s mental and emotional states the most. And poor psychological well-being affects every aspect of a person’s life.
Shame is the reason you feel useless.
Shame is the belief “I am not good enough. I’m broken. I’m useless. I’m not loveable. …
I’m going to school to become a Mental Health Therapist.
I’ve read and watched hundreds of books and videos about mental health because I used to suffer from social anxiety and abandonment issues (and I’m a genuine nerd about the brain and body and how they intertwine so beautifully).
One lesson I learned early: What resists, persists
Barries (in this context) is better known as resistance.
Resistance is an internal battle to explore and accept truth.
We rationalize or avoid going deeper because we’re scared of what we might find.
I feared becoming aware of my faults or negative characteristics…
The Power of Thirteen Letters or Five Little Words
I was five years old when I first met my stepmom.
I don’t remember meeting her but my life hasn’t been the same since she entered it.
At fourteen years old, I moved in with my dad, stepmom, younger brother, and two younger half-sisters. Six people in a two-bedroom apartment. It was tough, to say the least. But it wasn’t as tough as going to my fourth middle school in three years.
After my first week of eighth grade, I hated the school. It wasn’t so much the school was horrible…
I worked at Starbucks for six years. It should’ve been only two weeks.
After my first couple of morning shifts, I put in my two-week notice. But my manager didn’t hire a replacement, and I decided to stay because I wasn’t working much, and hey, at least I had a job.
In hindsight, I’m glad I continued to work at Starbucks because I wouldn’t be the person I am without that job.
Here are the 5 lessons I learned while selling drugs to coffee vampires:
I wasn’t the most skilled barista, but my coworkers and customers believed I was.
Humans have two mental and emotional muscles. But we often only use one.
Evolutionarily, humans have two primal survival drives: To seek pleasure and avoid pain.
To meet these inherent needs, we use our control muscles to manufacture our inner and outer worlds.
We alter our body language and words to control how others perceive us to avoid rejection (pain) and gain approval (pleasure).
We contemplate, strategize, research, and overthink to avoid failure (pain) and gain success (pleasure).
Let me begin by saying I’ve never been in love.
And honestly, I’ve never been close.
Then why should I listen to you?
For one, I’m going to school to become a Marriage and Family Therapist. Graduating in May, actually (finally. Feels like I’ve been going to college for most of my life).
And two, I’ve been studying dating and relationships for the last eleven years.
I went from shy introvert to going on more dates than any man should ever go on. I’ve been on two dates the same night. …